Category: Satire
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Tough Love: Tall Chicks in Heels
20 June, 2012 WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY? Tall women in heels is the definition of unnecessary. If you exceed 5’10” and are female, this is for you. Rule of thumb, ladies: if your height starts with 6, don’t wear shoes with sticks. Breaking…
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Tough Love: Motivational Quotes
12 January 2012 Alas, the first Tough Love installment of the new year. I took a week off to let the “Fuck Your New Year’s Resolutions” blog marinate in the pores of the undisciplined. I feel like staying within that…
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Tough Love: “Dancers”
featuring (@the_awillis) When I say “dancers”, I mean strippers, so we’re clear. If bands will make you dance, you don’t have a chance surviving this one. I laugh when strippers call themselves dancers as their job title. You guys really…
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Tough Love: Type Like You Learned Something in School
1 November, 2011 Top of the month to you classy, novel-reading, beautiful ladies. Today’s blog curtails to your inner wishes and hopes. This is dedicated to all you women who have experienced evaporated emotions after texting or reading tweets of…
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Tough Love: Quit Loving the Crew
Press play on the YouTube link if you want to vibe out to the relevant, title-inspired instrumental as you read about the wrongdoings of the wretched. Crew Love: (n) 1. When a group of friends, guys and girls, “date” amongst…
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Tough Love: The Rehabilitation of the Basic Female
30 May, 2011 I can’t really get into my rant without first explaining what “basic” is exactly. Basic: (bay-sik) adj. 1. Describes an action(s) performed by a person resulting in foolishness or transparency. 2. Actions, apparel or behavior that promotes…
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Tough Love: Take Those Heels Off With Your Clumsy Ass
12 July, 2011 *In my best Diamond from Crime Mob voice* Stiletto. Pumps. In. The club. Who would have thought I’d turn this into a blog? Before I go any further, I’d like to tip my imaginary hat to all…
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Tough Love: Hooters Girls
23 October 2012 Hi, welcome to Cultivated Influence! Sit and read this wherever you’d like. Your host will be right with you. … From my tender years, I’ve always felt that there was something fishy about the Hooters establishment. Something…
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Tough Love: 11:11 Wishes
11 November, 2011 There are two minutes each and every day that have experienced a growing amount of struggle placed upon them. Two minutes, bombarded with flailing, damp and musty hope. Hope that carries the stench of a fart trapped…
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