12 January 2012
Alas, the first Tough Love installment of the new year. I took a week off to let the “Fuck Your New Year’s Resolutions” blog marinate in the pores of the undisciplined.
I feel like staying within that spectrum this week and talking about something akin to those hopeless objectives that are already being neglected, just 10 days into the new year.
It’s time to escort motivational quotes the fuck out of here. Security!
Let’s explore some classic social network quotes, along with some new ones that I personally am on a vendetta to asphyxiate.
“Shoot for you moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”
Word? Do you know how bad of aim you have to have to miss the moon and land on a group of stars? I’d tell you, but the actuality wouldn’t be appreciated by the people I’m trying to inform.
There’s no way you chicks who look up quotes all day know anything about trajectories. No way at all.
Clearly the person who made that has never played a video game before.
Please tell me, who the fuck did you people annoy before you signed up for Facebook?
I don’t log onto Facebook to read uplifting things other people wrote. If I wanted to do that, I’d have more Robert Frost books in my library and I’d pirate old Mister Rogers’ Neighorhood episodes. I log onto Facebook to see people say their own dumb shit.
Brief side note: Google ‘Fred Rogers Marine sniper’. The idea of people floating rumors around of this gentle man picking off Viet Cong from 1000 meters is pure hilarity to me.
I really want to know if people post quotes because they don’t have anything to say or if they really benefit from reading them. What’s really fueling this shit?
I feel like some of you need to read quotes from The Notebook to get out of bed in the morning.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Cool story, Dr. Seuss.
“If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”
…Meaning, if you don’t believe in something, you’ll end up believing in anything? Just like that? Right.
The only thing these quotes motivated me to do is write this, ironically.
And if I see a “S[he] be[lie]ve[d]” quote again, I’m really going to lose it.
This is how I know there is no respect for originality. I’ve seen oodles of the same quotes countless times, yet have no idea who actually said them. I can tell you bitches have failed an English Composition course before. You can retweet something correctly, but you don’t know how to quote a source? Ohhhh, okay.
Quote the Bible though, that’s cool. Lord knows, you need the direction if you’ve ever thought about tattooing a Top 40 Pop radio hit chorus on your body.
I’m out though. I gotta get out of here before some high strung, quote advocate drops some Rev Run, dried up bubble bath inspirational message that I never wanted or asked for on me.
“Real eyes realize real lies.” Ha.
Be safe, stay great, and remember, subliminal tweets aren’t at you until they’re @ you.
P.S. Chicks who are easily moved by motivational quotes may very well be easily moved by a man of valor’s words of lusty encouragement. I’ll do some research and development and get back to you all with my findings.
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