CULTIVATED INFLUENCE

23 August, 2011

Hello reader,

Welcome to this week’s Tough Love Tuesday, sponsored by Dirty Sprites™ and beautiful women whom I have yet to meet.

This blog is dedicated to the late night heathens running rampant in the streets who were guzzling Cranberry Vodkas only to wake up and preach the Gospel to our beloved social networks before their bowl of cereal.

Now now…

There is absolutely nothing wrong with quoting the world’s best selling book; it’s my personal favorite and far better than reciting any Twilight lines…..but timing is everything.

I mean that shit; that last sentence is a key to life.

But who are the hoes I speak of, you ask?

I’m talking about the sweaty back chicks dropping it like it’s hot in the club Saturday and swinging low on sweet chariots in church smack dap in front of the Lord Sunday morning. The same chicks who seemed to forget they let some stranger run through their walls like Casper the Friendly Ghost on Sabado and are humming “This Little Light Of Mine” on Domingo.

Just so you know, bitches, Jesus knows what you did all Summer.

I have some bones to pick with you broads.

Let me get this straight…

So, you still have the stamp on your hand from the nightclub and forensic residue of saliva on your neck, but you can quote Bible verses between the sheets via mobile web as soon as daylight shines through your drapes? Oh okay cool.

Those Psalms and Proverbs don’t pack the normal punch when your panties are still pulled to the side, sweetheart. Shut your grandiloquent ass all the way up.

Yeah, big words so you hoes can’t say you didn’t learn anything from this.

Back to the topic.

When 1 million unfertilized potential children unexpectedly land on your face & forehead, there is a 24 hour grace period where anything of substance you say is null & void.

You can’t be out here in Sunday morning church traffic if you were giving red light specials to the guy who told you you were sexy enough to model the evening prior. You might as well sleep in. Hibernate your box.

You ho-ier than thou ass women are distasteful.

Unsavory ass bitches.

Rugged box hoes.

Jezebels.

The only chicks quoting Bible verses at 7AM Sunday morning after a rough night out are the ones who defeated chlamydia more than once.

I’m just saying practice what you preach, basic bitches. If God’s trying to show you the light, you still need to find an outlet to plug it in.

I’m out though. It’s also my half birthday so I fully expect one of you nice teeth + ambition women to step forward and request to carry my child at a later date of my discretion.

Be safe. Let each other be great.

-SG

P.S. Any chick who types in all caps carries a box with the aroma of rained-on cardboard.

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