CULTIVATED INFLUENCE

30 May, 2011

I can’t really get into my rant without first explaining what “basic” is exactly.

Basic: (bay-sik) adj. 1. Describes an action(s) performed by a person resulting in foolishness or transparency. 2. Actions, apparel or behavior that promotes an environment that appears to need remediation.

On my social networks (twitter: @SpencerGlover), I thoroughly enjoy exposing and slandering women doing typical, basic, attention-whoring things every day. New material is being generated constantly and the comedic value rises with each new stunt I see. In my 21 years on this Earth, I’ve come to realize that perhaps some of these broads cannot help themselves from being this way. Their frail and unoriginal personalities are only tolerated by those who are too boring to realize it and four-time felons who have to settle for them.

There are a FEW things that basic women can eliminate from their lives that will help mask their apparent lameness which could lead to them finding happiness in life.

1) MIRROR PICTURES. Yo, first of all, who the fuck thought of taking a picture in the mirror posing in some God-forsaken, unnatural position? CUT IT OUT. Girls are in mirrors posing like vertical tildes (the squiggly line on the N in Spanish: ~) like that’s going to help get them the man of their dreams. You bathroom models disgust me. Put the toilet seat down. There’s not much more I can say about mirror pictures that I haven’t said already. See the picture below about “breaking down the art of the mirror picture” and you’ll see why.

2) DRAWN ON EYEBROWS. Umm… why though? It doesn’t even make sense to me. Chicks who shave their eyebrows only to draw them back on is like having to take a shit, but holding it to take a shower first. No man worth being with thinks those Astroturf eyebrows are cute. Single moms are out here drawing on their eyebrows looking like their sons were doing burnouts on her face with Hot Wheels.

3) SPELLING: There’s no way in hell the mother of my child is going to write a sick note to school saying “Dear Mz. Johnson, Sp3nc3r jR. wiill n0t b abLe 2 pArTiiCipaTe in jim claSS todae. He haZ thee flew.” No way. Smashing any chick who types like that on social networks should be an automatic walk of shame to the free clinic. Broads are really out here typing like they’re entering a case-sensitive Wi-Fi password. B.A.S.I.C.

I’m out though. I could go on, but I’ll be damned if I allow some chick to fool me with my own advice.

Not too bad for my 1st blog, right?

Two up, live the counter culture.

-SG

P.S. Mirror picture taking chicks don’t have dream weddings.

Follow me on Twitter @SpencerGlover

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