16 August, 2011

Yeah. Forget an introduction. Let’s just jump right in it, no pun intended.

This Tough Love Tuesday is dedicated to the dummies who haven’t figured out that what’s between their legs is the most powerful weapon in the world. “If you don’t know, now you know.” It’s also necessary that you understand that with this weapon comes great responsibility. You hoes cannot be in these streets waving and toting the box around like it’s a Glock in a mid-90’s rap video and expect any man with unlimited data to appreciate you.

But the BOX though.

What can I say about it? So many things are done in attempt to impress and intrigue exquisite box each day. Men would have no need for great cologne, line-ups, nice cars, any type of fashion sense or regular diet and exercise plans if it wasn’t for great box. To be real honest, I probably wouldn’t even be writing these blogs if it wasn’t for a few of you ladies with nice teeth and ambition.

The box is so powerful that even if there were no men to impress in this world, women would still Photoshop their Facebook photos.

Where a lot of you ladies go wrong is you have what’s known as “Vaginal Mismanagement”. This stems from letting no-good, sketch balls tear down those walls like an amateur version of Extreme Home Makeover. I know everybody has to get theirs from time to time, but yo, most of you hoes can move a little better.

Understand that men will go well out of their way for great box. Many of us have been or still get trapped in the feeble pursuit of random box penetration life.

“Where’s all the women who remember who they slept with?”

I’m not saying you should be an uptight, goodie gum drop with the box. There’s no need to return to that junior high mentality. I’m just saying if it looks like the shit was used as a speed bag for prize fighters, you might be doing a bit too much.

Liberal box bops always need be aware of who you associate with vaginally because the double standard is vicious. Think of your vagina as more of a family-owned Mom and Pop store that isn’t open on Sundays because they go to church and less of a nationwide 24-hour supermarket chain.

You Walmart box hoes are the worst though. I use the term “Walmart box” because not unlike these hoes’ vaginas, it’s filled with strangers who waltz in right after work, wearing God knows what and most likely will make a TV dinner purchase in the self-checkout lane after fornicating.

You Walmart box chicks have vaginal management skills that are equivalent to Lil B’s verse on the Grove Street Party beat. Sloppy and misunderstood. You are the broads who roll gutter balls with the bumpers on. You’re doing it all wrong.

Proper box management, to me, is half not being a floozy and half being interesting enough so when we are around each other, sex is not the only thing I’m going to look forward to during the fiasco. I really cannot stand a pretty chick with nothing else to offer. I’m talking about the broads who are Ace of Spades bottles on the outside, but filled to the tippy top with André. You’re only going to win when you learn how to stimulate something else other than a penis.

I aim most of these Tough Love blogs at women because I know deep down in those basic fibers, there’s a person or two who can learn and eventually find happiness or at least a boyfriend who pays when they go out. As much as I slander, libel and poke fun at topics, there’s always an underlying message of why I do what I do.

I mean, who am I to say these things, right? I’m just a guy who’s seen a glimpse of how great a woman can be. I’ve seen potential getting maximized before my eyes and it’s gorgeous on so many levels.

There needs to be more of that.

I’m out though. Keep letting each other be great…


P.S. If she likes her own Facebook statuses, you have to wear a condom every time.

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