Tough Love: Women Who Pretend to Care About Sports


21 June, 2011

Yes, I agree, the cover art is great.

Anyway, here we go.

As a man, I see it about five times each year: an influx of women pretending that they know what the actual fuck is going on in the sports world. There are two prime targets for these bandwagon female SportsCenter viewers. All-star games, where chicks go off their birth control in hopes of getting impregnated by a superstar.. and the playoffs, where chicks pick a favorite team (probably whichever color scheme is the cutest) and root for them until they lose. I’m here to say: “ATTENTION: LADIES, WE KNOW YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SPORTS…QUIT THE ACT.”

Let’s face it, the value of vagina depreciates during every major sport’s playoffs. Many women feel they don’t have much of a choice but to pretend to enjoy the sports their men do in order to compete for attention. I really don’t have a problem with that; it’s kind of cute. It can actually be dope watching the big game on the couch with your queen, BUT there’s a level where some of these jezebel’s exceed the cute range and swiftly enter “cut that shit out” range. “Cut that shit out” range begins when a non-sports watching broad begins to broadcast her thoughts of the game as if she were an analyst. Whoa there. It’s one thing to sit and watch the NBA Finals, but I know damn good and well she’d rather be keeping up with the Kardashian’s than pretending to understand what being in the bonus means.

If she swears ESPN is in her favorite channel list, but she’s mixing up basic sports terminology, thinking LeBron and Kobe score touchdowns… Well.. that’s like the dude who swears he gets action with girls, but can never get their bras off on the first few tries.

To men, a woman who truly understands and enjoys watching sports is the equivalent to a man taking his lady to a weekly pottery class to women.

What I’m getting at is it doesn’t really matter if you like sports or not, but don’t pretend to be a fan if you aren’t. Men see through that shit like it’s lacy Victoria Secret lingerie.

Speaking of Victoria Secret, I fully expect that all you attractive ladies reading this are taking advantage of their semi-annual sale. If not, your period will skip and you’ll end up wasting the money you could have spent getting boy shorts on pregnancy tests.

I’m out though. I have a fake R&B mixtape to write.


P.S. If she roots for your team with you and your team sucks, her box is at your disposal.

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

Author: SG

Founder of Cultivated Influence.

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